WWE Monday Night Raw 2/4/08

Well, holy crap. I take a one-day break from writing and now look at all the stuff there is to write about. Well, let's start at the beginning...

Monday Night Raw...

Raw opened with the Orton/Cena contract signing. All I can say is, 'yawn'. I'm not into this rivalry. I'm sorry, I really don't mean to get down on you John, but I'm not happy that you are back. I'm not like some smarks on the internet that go so far as to say you can't wrestle, but you really need to spice things up. A jumping shoulder block... 'five knuckle shuffle' (the most useless move since the Peoples' Elbow. At least The Rock had style), the FU... the FU... a modified death valley driver... a modified body slam is probably more accurate. At this point, in fact, ever since you turned face, you have to be under 12 to like your character. You aren't a rapper, are you certainly aren't a Marine... you played one in a movie. Stop saluting. You insult people that actually served their country. Sgt. Slaughter is a former Marine... you aren't.

Next on my hit list are the Divas. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... at this point the only Divas that should be on TV are Beth Phoenix and Victoria. Fenn's bottom line, if you can't wrestle, then stay out of the ring. Once again, Mickie James, the Queen of botched spots, blew it in this match. She fell off of the turnbuckle for Pete's sake. JR claims Beth Phoenix was shaking the rope off-camera so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt... the botched Tornado DDT is another story. If being a failure of execution wasn't enough, she has to steal Trish Stratus' signature moves. I was surprised to see a guillotine choke in this match (and have JR call it that for that matter). Between that, Taker's new leg choke, and Ken Kennedy's new leg submission it seems apparent that creative is having more MMA moved incorporated (Deep South, maybe you should have followed suit... more on you later)

The next match was Kennedy vs. Super Crazy. Ken Kennedy is by far my favorite these days. Great mic skills.... great showman... great heel. While I was glad to see an ECW original like Super Crazy, it really bummed me out that he is now being used as a jobber. We saw for the first time Kennedy's aforementioned new submission hold. I guess they are giving Kennedy the push before No Way Out. As much as I'd like for Kennedy to get over, I have a feeling that Flair will get retired at Wrestlemania to an established Main Eventer. Side note, Kennedy's 'Whoo!' is hilarious.

Mike Adamle. I'm still confused as to why Adamle is on WWE, and Hogan is on American Gladiators. (Not that I want to see Hogan anymore, mind you. I'm more tired of seeing Hogan, than I am seeing Flair)

Paul London is back. Yay. This should be a great match. Kendrick & London are a great tag team and fun to watch. Oh wait, nevermind. The match is over. London didn't even get in the ring. Blah.

Vince, you are a funny, funny man. Seriously, you confuse me. (The weird power walk where you lose control of your arms has always confused me). Please stop reviving the Kiss My Ass gimmick. Have some pride, man. No one wants to see your promos of getting an 'ass-cial', even if it is a shoot. Also, is it a really good idea to attack the parents/kids in the audience when they seem to be the largest group supporting WWE? You are losing a lot of 18-35 males to MMA. Hornswoggle. I used to like how the Hornswoggle character was being used, even as fantastical as it was. A couple weeks ago Creative took away his ability to speak, and now is seemingly being portrayed as a child, rather than just the 'illegitimate bastard son'. Side note: One would think that joining the 'Bite My Ass' club is much worse than the 'Kiss My Ass' club. Seriously... Ew. Additional side note: The mark screaming 'My eyes! My eyes!' when Vince dropped his pants slayed me.

Next we saw HBK, followed but four other Elimination Chamber entrants, followed by Snitsky?! I guess Trips got the night off. This set up the Main Event, three on three tag. Jumping ahead, this was one of the better tag matches I've seen in a while. I'm not gonna give the play by play though. Please get Bradshaw a new gimmick! This gimmick sucked with Ted DiBiase, and it sucks now!

Hardcore Holly/Cody Rhodes vs. Cade/Murdoch. Firstly, Cade/Murdoch wtf are you wearing? Heh. Secondly, Bob, I don't know what you're doing, but keep doing it. You're well past your 30's and haven't been cut yet? Kudos.

The show ended with an arm wrestling match between John Cena and Mark Henry. Uhm... the crew set up the arm wrestling table the wrong way. That's alright, the ref will be sure to turn the table. Oh wait, nope. Well that's okay, either Cena or henry will be sure to fix it. Hmm. No, they are too busy talking about Cena's oily hands. Ah screw it, we'll just use this prop the wrong way. no one will notice... Bah.