WWE Friday Night Smackdown 2/15/2008

Okay... back from errands and I have a short amount of time to ramble and rant about Smackdown before I leave for the house show. I'll (try) to keep it brief (but what can I say, I'm long winded).

I can summarize last night's episode of Friday Night Smackdown in one word: 'Why?'

While that makes sense to me, it probably doesn't make sense to you, so I'll elaborate. Last night left me asking the question, 'Why?' every five minutes or so. It almost felt like I was watching an episode of TNA iMPACT! (okay, it wasn't that low quality of an experience, but still...)

Here's some bullet points:
* Batista vs. MVP - Why?
- Why was this even a match? Yes, they both are in the Elimination Chamber tomorrow, but other than that, I see no reason to put them together
- Why was MVP's gear 'way gay'? Seriously, with all that purple, black and sequin studs, it looked like he's been shopping at El Dungeon Fabuloso in West Hollywood, Dupont Circle, Haight/Ashbury, the West Village or any other notoriously homosexual neighborhood across America)
- Why was Bastista using Ric Flair's moves? (Leg clip, working the knee, figure four)
- Why is MVP being pushed so hard when Vince has a bodybuilder fetish, and he has a gut like me. Carlito said it best in an old promo with Randy Orton... 'Lovehandles? Dat's not cool'
- Why were a chorus of children (and only children) chanting 'Ba-Tis-Ta'. I swear this was piped in.

...and now a PSA... there are no shortcuts to your goals. A reminder, viewing audience, you've been put on notice too. WWE is going to suspend us all. (Are steroids really that big an issue outside of athletics? I don't think so...

* 8-man tag - Why?
- Why are Jesse and Festus getting such a push? Yeah, Festus was out two weeks but it's not like Triple H came back... not to mention it's the exact same gimmick as before he left.
- Why must Shannon Moore always be: 1) Underused -and- 2) Caught in someone's shadow (Matt Hardy's MF'er, squashed by Matt Morgan, Nathan Jones, Big Show, Brock Lesnar, etc). I'm one of the biggest Jimmy Yang Wang fans there are, but Shannon Moore does cool stuff too.
- Why has the Ryder/Hawkins push that's been building up the past few weeks vanished?
Side note: JYW did one of the prettiest moonsaults I've even seen in this match

Michelle McCool vs. Victoria (Palumbo 'ride in') - Why?
- No comment. Completely pointless and a waste of airtime.

* Undertaker vs. Big Daddy V - Why?
- Why do people like 'Old School', and why would Old School even be painful, and how come Undertaker's opponents don't simply push him off the rope?
- Why must people bleed every time Taker uses his new submission? Triple H received a crushed trachea when RVD frog splashed him in the Elimination Chamber in 2002 and was out for weeks. Miraculously Viscera and Mark Henry reappeared the next week after bleeding from the mouth. (I imagine we'll see Matt Striker on Tuesday, if not tomorrow with Big Daddy V at No Way Out)
- Why do people tap out of Takers new submission instead of using that free arm to just move Undertaker's unsecured left leg?

* Kane & CM Punk vs. Chavo & Shelton Benjamin - Why?
- Why are these teams even together? There is no relationship between Kane and CM Punk, or Chavo and Shelton Benjamin. While it was good to see Shelton on-air, why not just have the CM Punk/Chavo match?
- Why can't Chavo get his part of the GTS right? The move is supposed to end with head/knee contact. Otherwise, it's just a fireman's carry gutbuster, not a GTS.

* Edge, Vickie & Rey - Oh God why?!
- Why is this storyline still going on? The 'Vickie keeps getting hurt' wheelchair gimmick sure is getting old
- Why was this storyline ever approved? Tasteless.
- Why was Edge singing Bryan Adams? WTF?
- Why is the real West Coast Pop not done anymore? A seated senton is not a West Coast Pop

The only entertaining moment of the evening (at least for me), was a seated senton into a lady in a wheel chair. I haven't laughed that hard in a long while, but it wasn't worth wading through an hour and fifty minutes of crap to see it.

So much for keeping it brief. Heh.

ECW 2/12/2008

Wow. What a mish-mash of stuff last night. I kind of expect mixed results until things get settled down since head writer David Lagana was released at the end of last month.

First things first. Chavo. Man Chavo, you are not good at pantomime. You mic skills aren't the best, but they seem high caliber after watching your performance last night. The overdramatic scratching and sniffing yourself and sneezing was terrible. Speaking of the sneezing... just a tip... if you are going to fake a sneeze, you might not want to say, and I quote, "Ah-choo!" into the mic. I don't know, maybe you haven't noticed, but 'real' sneezes don't sound like "Ah-choo!".
Side Note:
* I forgot to mention it in my commentary of last week's show, but writing team, was it really necessary for Chavo to be saved by SCUBA Divers?! What, we're supposed to think that there were some random SCUBA Divers floating around in the dark?

Last night we saw the return of Stevie Richards. He looked okay considering he's been out on injury for quite a while. I think he would have looked a lot better, but frankly, Rory Fox didn't help. I think you can only get over so much when the guy you're working with isn't selling your offense. This match actually brings me to a related, but unrelated thought. It doesn't happen so much with main eventers, but I have never understood why someone known, and established ring veteran makes their return, they get put in the ring with some random jobber. We remember who Steven Richards is... you don't need to build him up for three weeks. Put him in the ring with another ring vet, give him the win and that's it.
Side note:
*Rory Fox must have taken acting lessons from Chavo. The bewildered look on his face and exuberant shouting didn't help his poor performance.

Kelly Kelly vs. Layla. This wasn't a bad match... it looks like the Divas are having a good week... However, I'm still sick of all the T&A garbage. Whoever is running the control room, or the editing room (or whoever is giving orders to these guys), must be a manga fan. Seriously, there were as many fan-service panty-shots as you would find in an ecchi book. The only thing separating this match from a volume of Ikki Tousen/Battle Vixens was the lack of weaponry and their tops staying on.
Side notes:
* Kelly Kelly's Fame-asser (or whatever she calls it) looked pretty rough.
* With only an hour of airtime, I'd rather have watched some of the under-utilized talent in the back (Shelton Benjamin, Kevin Thorn, Nunzio, Elijah Burke)

Kofi Kingston vs Mike Knox. Finally, we get to see Kofi wrestle someone with a little more talent, and it's about time. Kofi looked really good, and Mike Knox did a good job of selling Kofi's moves. I was disappointed that there wasn't a Kofi/Knox bicycle kick war.
Side note:
* I still hate the double leg drop. (Why in the hell would that hurt someone?! ). Please also lose the 'Turnbuckle Teabag'. Ew. Just... Ew.

John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer. Not much to say here, but I'm glad Dreamer got the win.
Side note:
I wish Tommy Dreamer had better finishers

CM Punk vs. Mark Henry. I am still dumbfounded by this one. What heel stays in the rope past the five count, and then lets go when the bell rings? Look, if you wanted CM Punk to give Chavo a GTS (for the second week in a row to the sternum, I might add...), Why not just put them in a match?
Side note:
Chavo should turn again. He's a much better face, than heel.

ECW 2/5/08

For the first time in a long while, I enjoyed ECW last night.

The show opened with CM Punk ranting about his rematch clause and calling out Chavo. Rather than talk about the dialogue, here comes my Straight Edge and Fashion Police diatribe. We'll see CM Punk vs. Chavo at No Way Out. Side note: Apparently 'CM' now stands for 'Crazy Mariachi'.

I like CM Punk. The guy obviously has skills. HOWEVER... It's cool that CM Punk is Straight Edge, but honestly, it pisses me off that this is being used as a gimmick. What can I say, I'm an old, grown up punk rocker that came of age in Washington, DC, the birthplace of Straight Edge. I am friends with Ian MacKaye, the pioneer of straight Edge, his brother Alec MacKaye. I am friends with Brian Baker, former bassist for Minor Threat, current guitarist for Bad Religion. I could go on and on... I'm not bragging here, just stating facts. The point of all this is, I grew up in that scene. I lived it. I know what it is and what it means. While yes, I think it's great that kids are picking up a positive message, the problem that I have is the mindless mentality. I see kids in the crowd holding 'straight edge' signs. They like Straight Edge, because CM Punk is Straight Edge, not because it's what they believe in. Not because they understand it. Sorry, but I absolutely cannot stand it when people (yes, even kids) don't think for themselves. I call these folks, 'Sheep-le', simple following the flock. It's like GWAR said in 'Slaughterama', '...follow the herd... just another cow...'. CM Punk, WWE, whoever... don't cheapen a movement just to sell tickets and T Shirts.

Now let's focus my attention on the world of wrestling champion fashion... Chavo & MVP, pay attention. You two are the most serious of offenders (any former or future champions may want to take note too). Didn't you learn anything from Triple H? When coming to the ring in street clothes, or more importantly a suit, that title belongs on your shoulder, not on your waist. Holy crap, have some dignity. ...and while I have your attention, Chavo, might I suggest NOT tucking your jeans into your cowboy boots. Heh.

Now that that's over, the whole CM Punk/Chavo exchange set up the first-ever 'Gulf of Mexico match'. Uhm, why can't you just call it a street fight? Oh, I see, you have to through your opponent in the Gulf of Mexico. Hmm... kinda lame. I was pleased to hear Armando Estrada say this was an Extreme Rules match, but it wouldn't be long before I found that not one weapon would be used... unless a fisherman's bait cooler counts as a weapon. Bummer.

First match of the night... Diva tag. Not much to remark on here. Stripper-esque backflips by Kelly Kelly, followed by a botched springboard elbow in the corner. Michelle McCool actually showed improvement. Jumping into the hurricarana at the turnbuckle was impressive. for the most part, typical Diva fare... oversold, botched and blown.

John Morrison vs. Tommy Dreamer. It's good to see more of Tommy Dreamer on TV. Looks like they've hitched his wagon to Colin Delaney... (does he even have a wagon?)

Saw a promo with Steven Richards. He comes back from injury net week. It amazing how shocking I find original ECW footage sometimes. Maybe I'm getting old... Maybe Vince has un-dulled my senses with 'safe wrestling'.

Kofi Kingston (Mr. Yellow Legwarmers) vs. Jamie Curtis. Last night, Jamie Curtis was the first one to join Kofi Kingston's 'Kiss My Sack' club. Kingston jumped onto Curtis' shoulders while in the turnbuckle and started dropping headshots. Uhm, sorry, but I don't need (or want) to see Kofi teabagging a jobber. Side note: Kofi, the leg drop was lame when Hogan used it... it more lame when you use it, with both legs I might add. The Bicycle Kick I can live with.

The 'Gulf of Mexico match' was kind of a disappointment. Don't tell the viewer it's an Extreme Rules match if that's not what it is. It was a street fight with water.

More on Friday... or Saturday, unless something I find something else to ramble on about.